Sunday, August 21, 2005

Top Five: Randomalia 

Top 5 least believable spam senders:
  1. Caked M. Paychecks
  2. Garner T. Cruelty
  3. Diarist J. Slavis
  4. uefkalxcb
  5. Letha

Top 5 questions we've decided not to ask the people selling the house we want:
  1. Which topless bar is closer?
  2. If you weren't moving to South Carolina for work, would you keep the house?
  3. What's the most annoying thing about living there?
  4. What are you hiding?
  5. Can we keep your pool table?

Top five things about this house that make me nervous
  1. .73 acres -- is it really enough long-term?
  2. Those huge animal holes in the front lawn.
  3. Two tiny kids plus a porch that literally drops straight into the aboveground pool equals one horrible disaster.
  4. No garage.
  5. We're going to be spending 40% of my salary on this mother. Is that even possible to work with?

Top 5 stupid things to worry about:
  1. that my seventh graders might not like me
  2. that the dog won't like the new house
  3. that my daughter might realize, someday, that I'm a total dork
  4. that I break a fingernail just as I'm going to shake hands with someone important, like the president or something, and the ragged edge cuts the palm of their hand so hard, the secret service takes me down
  5. that nobody likes me

I was going to do a 5 x 5, but after far too long trying to upload even one of a thousand photos that might look good framed in the new house, it's looking like the Top 5 greatest pix from the last two months will have to wait 'til we're off dial-up.

posted by boyhowdy | 12:19 AM |

"That nobody likes me"

What the $!#@ is this? The league of imaginative, intelligent, yet self-loathing bloggers?

I can't believe ya fell into that !$!$!#@ blogging cliché Josh!!! "nobody likes me..." Jeez! You of all people!

I like ya Josh! Yer weird, but I like ya.

Have fun in the new digs and gigs.
Yeah, your seventh graders aren't going to like you. Seventh graders don't like anyone but themselves.

However, the rest of us like you.

Oh, your daughter will realize you are a total dork (when she is in seventh grade) but she will grow out of it.
You like me! You really like me! (bonus points: who made that line famous, and in what context?)

Seriously, I fully expect that my daughter will realize that I'm a dork long before seventh grade. People like me, and even some of my seventh graders will, because I'm cool like that.

But I'm glad you guys like me. I just wish I could make clearer list titles. I'm not worried about these things, really. Note the list title -- top 5 Stupid things to worry about -- and please assume that, since I'm not stupid, I ain't seriously worried.

I mean, like I care if the dog adjusts well to a new house? I'm more worried about what her tinyclaws will do to the hardwood.
"You like me...." Sally Field? The Oscars? I'm goin' without google on this one, so I hope I'm not too far off base.

Anyway. Good luck with the new house. My parents still lament 'the house that got away' twenty-six years ago, whereas my sister and I just remember twenty-six years worth of happy home. So don't worry -- whatever it's flaws, it'll be the kids' childhood home, and thereby perfect. Just watch out for that pool. Perhaps mandatory life-preservers when in the yard?

(Random kinderhood memory: when we'd go up to our summer house on Lake Champlain, my dad would make us wear life preservers everywhere -- even in the house. The lake was a good six yards from the back porch, but apparently we could have fallen in at any time. I have just become my father. And here I thought he was a dork).
Nora gets the title i.d. prize, but unfortunately, it's only redeemable in Bizarro world.

On the other hand, I've always been proud to be a dork. And to have become my father. Oddly, though, I NEVER thought he was a dork. I just figured that I was the dork version of him.
You see, I've always known my dad is a dork*, and that I am his carbon (albeit female) copy.

* I always think of dork, geek and nerd as terms of endearment, compliments even. Perhaps I live in Bizarro world already?

Hey look! A prize!
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