Wednesday, April 20, 2005

My Kind Of Funny 

Jokes with realistic endings thread over at Something Awful goes on for 8 pages. Some sweet samples:


  1. Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?

    No.

    Well, it's really nice.


  2. What do you get when you're gay?

    Made fun of.


  3. What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

    A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

Endless fun for the secret/not-so-secret PC-hater in all of us. Even my students liked it. Link via Boingboing.

posted by boyhowdy | 2:34 PM |

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About Boyhowdy
 
Cybersociologist.  Father. 
Teacher.  Poet.  Audiophile.

Pondering media, education,
communications, parenting,
culture, community and self
on the web since 2002.


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quotes

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


And you know, when you study the semiotics of Through the Looking Glass or watch every episode of Star Trek, you've got to make it pay off, so you throw a lot of study references into whatever you do later in life.
- Matt Groening


She wrote secret web pages with gentle empty spaces where the universe could creep in and rest when it got overwhelmed.
- Robin Williams


Cable news networks...often act as if the best way to present information is to serve the viewer two opposing advocates battling it out. But in many instances, this ends up confusing rather than illuminating. Not every fact is debatable, not every opinion equal -- or worth equal time.
- David Corn


Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke


This "telephone" has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no use to us.
- Western Union internal memo, 1876


The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
- David Sarnoff's associates, in response to his urging for investment in radio, 1920s


Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
- Popular Mechanics, 1949


There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
- Ken Olson, President and founder of Digital, 1977
Subject: HIGH TECHNIQUE ELECTRICAL HOME APPLIANCES---COMPUTERIZE GAS KITCHEN
Date: Mon, 7 Jan 2002 08:53:27 +0000 (UTC)
From: "MRS WANG"
Organization: FUJIAN HUALI TECHNOLOGY CREATING CO,LTD

Do you like to comprehend a computer housemaid ? Do you like to own a blue soldier ? Today , SHIELD gives you the answer .

SHIELD is a computerize gas kitchen which is controlled automatically and intelligently. It is a world wide invention , is a new generation of the gas kitchen..

What is the benefits that SHIELD brings to us ? Firstly , it will relieve you out of the kitchen ,you shouldn't be in when you cook the food .Second ,it solved the problem that the food would be burned ,the soup be out and the gas be leaked .And it will make your family safer and healthier.

Do you want to understand much more merits about SHIELD? Please see the followings:

1. amounts and the kinds of food (boiling water, porridge, rice , soup ,fish ,meat ,medicine), SHIELD will regulate the temperature and time to cook automatically ,and the soap won't be out ,the food won't be burned .It will turn off the electric and gas source by itself ,and tell you by springing out the music .

2. when needing and you can set five times to light fire .

3. ,it will send out a big fire ,and when the temperature reached 100 ,it would change the flame .If the temperature is below 100 ,it will turn to be a big fire ,and keep the flame blue .The containing of CO is less than 0.04% of total .(standard :less than 0.05%) . And then it reduced the pollute .

4. B"CAutomatically limit the time of offering gas :It is 30 minutes that offering the gas. When cooking ,it won't be out whenever it is blew or watered .Because when the fire is out , it will light automatically. When the gas leaked ,the density reached up a level or the temperature of the platform is over 80 ,SHIELD will warn you and turn off the electric and gas source .

5. need ,it can set the temperature and heat the food by itself .

6. according to the container .

7. 70.51%(standard :higher than 55%).Comparing to the common gas kitchen ,it can save more than 40%source of total .

8. natural gas and marsh gas to cook , also can use many kinds of pans, such as iron pan ,aluminum pan and high pressured pan. SHIELD computerize gas kitchen is a housemaid , is a soldier .Is there anything more important than the safety and health of your family ?

Let us share more happy in our lives .Not to bore for the burned food, not to be sad for no time for cooking .For you love your family ,please begin with SHIELD .Possessing SHIELD is possessing love .

-Spam E-mail for a Home Appliance "published" at We Made Out In A Tree And This Old Guy Sat And Watched Us, submitted by Jeremy Sacco